Retarded Bitcoin

RTC goes down the mining rabbit hole and buys two used GPUs by mistake: his "future diversification", now sleeping under his bed. Turns out Bitcoin mining needs an ASIC, so he empties his savings, throws in his bonus and takes out a consumer loan for a used one. His spreadsheet runs on hopium: an optimistic Bitcoin price, a network difficulty that magically never moves, zero breakdowns and an almost imaginary electricity cost, and the profit it shows makes him grin.

RTC · when his friend Tom asks why the "unexpected costs" cell is zero

Because I'm manifesting success.

When the delivery shows up, he films the unboxing like it's a Lamborghini.

He sets the ASIC up in the living room; it sounds like a plane looking for a runway, and that night the landlord gets the first noise complaint.

Bought the machine. Forgot to price the electricity.

First month: the meter spins faster than his ambition, the mining brings in just fractions of BTC, and the neighbour downstairs rings the bell about the noise.

The neighbour downstairs

Sounds like a helicopter.

RTC

It's decentralization.

The neighbour

Decentralize it elsewhere.

Energy prices swing with wars and world tensions, a new power contract lands right when his margin is already tiny, the mining difficulty moves, the pool takes its cut and his ASIC gets older. The GPUs in his bedroom are now only good for one thing: measuring the size of his mistake.

He stops paying to heat his room, since the ASIC does it for him, and in mid-winter he opens the window because it's too hot. Another neighbour sees him in a sweatshirt by an industrial fan and asks if he's okay; then his second electricity bill shows up.

RTC · to the worried neighbour

I am mining digital gold.

My mining rig is the most expensive heater ever invented.

A white envelope for the loan, a blue one for electricity, a yellow one for rent: he can pay only one. He picks electricity, sure one more month of mining will win it all back, and that's the choice that sets everything off. He works out a payment plan and misses the first instalment; at the supermarket he puts the cheese back, ditches the coffee, and his card gets declined on a pack of detergent.

His brother lends him €50, Tom bans Bitcoin talk at dinner for an hour, and RTC lasts exactly six minutes. Worse than the money: he starts lying to his mother, his friends and his landlord, so often he can't tell which words are true anymore.

RTC · to his mother

Everything's fine.

RTC · to his friends

The project is running.

RTC · to the landlord

Payment imminent.

I mined 0.000-something BTC and unlocked unlimited unpaid bills.

3:17 AM: the secondary fan jams, the ASIC flashes a heat alert and the room looks like a laundromat on fire. He dives under the desk, yanks a plug, reboots, swears, and his coffee spills over his printed calculations.

RTC · yelling at the chart

JUST HAVE ONE NORMAL DAY!

In the morning he sends Tom a photo of the burnt plug, and Tom reminds him work starts at seven.

It's 6:58: he puts on two different shoes, runs for the bus and shows up smelling of hot plastic.

RTC · to his manager, who asks why he smells of hot plastic

Side hustle.

On his break he dozes off for ten minutes, a colleague snaps a pic of his cheek squashed on a cardboard box, and RTC is a meme at work long before he makes a meme coin.

The only thing running 24/7 was my electricity bill.

He keeps showing up late, forgets an order, messes up the inventory and gets two warnings, then promises to switch the machines off at night and doesn't. One Monday, after another breakdown at dawn, he rolls in nearly two hours late, gets called into the office and fired.

His boss

How much does your mining make you?

RTC

Technically? Minus four hundred a month. But long term...

His boss

Short term, you don't work here anymore.

He leaves with a cardboard box, his chipped mug and the badge he has to hand back. On the bus, three notifications are waiting: end of contract, missed payment, and the network difficulty going up. That night he announces his new career on X, and leaves out the part where it wasn't a promotion.

My boss fired me before Bitcoin could liquidate me.

With no steady salary, unpaid bills turn into registered letters; he sells the TV and learns "flexible" can mean a shift cancelled an hour before. The landlord sends reminder after reminder, the ASIC noise has drawn complaints, and RTC promises a payment he can't cover.

After the legal steps and delays, he has to move out: every ignored letter and empty promise made the fall longer. On moving day it's raining and the boxes are soaked; between his clothes, his papers and the last ASIC fan, guess which one RTC tries to save: the fan.

Tom · arriving with his car

What are you taking first?

Tom takes it out of his hands, and for the first time RTC doesn't argue.

Tom · taking the fan

Today, you save your papers.

My landlord didn't rug me. My decisions rugged me first.

At Tom's, RTC sleeps on a couch that's too short and folds the blanket every morning so it looks like he takes up no space. He does deliveries, unloads trucks and sorts parcels; the ASIC is unplugged, but he still watches the Bitcoin price. He tries to sell the machines, but the buyer haggles hard over the old model, its weak output and its tired power supply, and RTC takes way less than he paid.

Once the loan and bills are partly paid off, there's almost nothing left; he also sells the useless GPUs and pays back part of his brother's €50. One Sunday he puts the last fan on Tom's coffee table, and for the first time hears his own silence.

RTC · whispering

One year of mining.

Tom

How much did you mine?

RTC

Experience. Very expensive.

Bought an ASIC. Sold a space heater. Kept the debt.

RTC could stop there, but in our story Bitcoin hits all-time highs, influencers hype absurd prices, and yesterday's newbies call themselves experts. Mining was a miss, he tells himself, but at least he can nail the buy.

He works a few weeks and scrapes together his odd-job savings, plus money he should never have counted as spare. One night, with the chart in full euphoria, he FOMOs in and buys BTC at the fictional top of $126,000.

His post

This time I'm the smart money.

A friend · ten minutes later

Why now?

RTC

Conviction.

He has none.

The price dips and he calls it a "healthy correction", then it keeps falling and he's reading bad news at 4 AM.

Missed the mine. Bought the headline.

Months go by and, in our story, Bitcoin bleeds down step by step while RTC keeps saying "diamond hands" in front of Tom. Then he secretly googles "how to stop checking the Bitcoin price".

He holds at 100,000 and 90,000, bans his friends from bringing it up at 80,000, turns the price alerts back on at 70,000, and stops sleeping. One night the screen says $58,000, a small red candle turns huge, and he trips over a box, screaming.

RTC · slapping the table

IT CAN'T BE DROPPING AGAIN!

Tom · bursting in

Is it the electricity again?

RTC

WORSE. I BOUGHT THE SUN AND IT'S NIGHT.

He panic-sells, the confirm button looks bigger than the room, and eleven minutes later he reinstalls the trading app.

RTC · after selling

At least it's over.

Fiction note: the two prices are only there to tell his obsession with bad timing; they're story numbers, not market history.

Bought 126K. Sold 58K. Somehow still bullish on myself.

RTC discovers Solana and meme coins, sure he's found a way to win back his losses. A dog in glasses pumps 300% and he buys right before the liquidity vanishes.

A frog announces a "revolutionary" partnership and its official account goes private thirty minutes later; a cat on a rocket does x5, and holding out for x50, he ends up almost back where he started. He tries leverage because a stranger wrote "easy 10x", and a margin call teaches him a whole new vocabulary.

On the worst night he buys a coin whose logo is literally a lottery ticket, and a minute later the chart goes straight down; Tom bursts out laughing, RTC laughs too, and his failure becomes comedy material.

RTC · to Tom

I got rugged by a jpeg.

The chart died. The meme survived.

At 2:48 AM he lines up an old power bill, his loan statement, his firing letter, the notice to leave the apartment and his trading history on the floor, like evidence at his own trial.

RTC · screaming

HOW CAN I LOSE ON MINING AND ON BITCOIN?!

From the kitchen, Tom hears a scream, then RTC climbs onto the couch and gives a dead-serious speech to an unplugged fan.

RTC · to the fan

Dear shareholders of my life, we announce exceptionally bad results.

He uses a saucepan as a mic, acts out a press conference, and Tom films ten seconds before sending him to bed.

RTC · into the saucepan

Our EBITDA consists of bills, regrets and an internet subscription.

The next day he watches the video and sees not just a loser but a joke any rekt trader gets. He posts a clip captioned "Professional Top Buyer", and it spreads because it looks like everyone's life, not a promise of profit.

If my life is a rug pull, at least let it be a funny one.

The community asks for a mascot, so RTC digs out his orange beanie, worn hoodie and broken fan. He draws a tired character with dark circles under his eyes, holding a bill and a red candle like two trophies: Retarded Bitcoin, ticker $RTC.

A small crew of contributors helps him build the visuals, the site and the accounts; they write down how it's meant to work and refuse to claim RTC is Bitcoin or officially affiliated with it. The name shocks some people and cracks others up, but he keeps the joke on his own financial decisions, never on a disability: people should laugh with the character, not at anyone else's expense. The project is a meme first, and only after that comes the token.

Not a genius. Not a guru. Just the most relatable rekt degen.

On launch day RTC sits on Tom's couch and the new $RTC token is finally live on screen: low volume, a few holders, lots of jokes and just as many sceptics. Someone asks if he's going to lose everything again, so he puts an imaginary banknote on the table.

RTC · with the imaginary banknote

Not the rent this time. A small amount. If it goes to zero, we still eat tomorrow.

His modest first buy goes through, no hidden perks; after several minutes of nothing, a small green candle shows up, then a red one, and Tom hands him a coffee.

RTC · at the chart

Even my own story is ranging.

Tom · with the coffee

Welcome to your own problem.

Then a big account shares the "CEO of Bad Entries" video, and degens recognise the bills, the firing, the 126,000 top and the 58,000 sale. Volume suddenly jumps, thousands of messages pour in, and his lonely shame becomes a shared joke.

Bought my own meme. For once, I actually know the backstory.

His Responsible Degen Check →

At 22:14 a green candle pops up, beats the one before, then eats almost the whole screen: for once, RTC is already in the trade.

RTC

TOM!

Volume explodes, notifications come so fast his phone heats up, and Tom runs in from the kitchen, sure an ASIC caught fire.

RTC

IT'S GOING UP!

Tom

Which bill?

RTC

NO, THE CANDLE! MY CANDLE!

RTC climbs on the couch, slips on a blanket and lands on the floor, arms up like he just won the World Cup, laughing till he cries. His position is up big on paper, the old RTC is back in his head, and he even opens a calculator to price yachts, until Tom takes his phone.

The old RTC · in his head

Don't sell anything. Wait for the x100. Add more. Mortgage the couch.

Tom · taking his phone

You already lost the apartment once. The couch is mine.

He closes the calculator and sells part of his bag, as planned before the pump: some of the gain is real now, not just on screen, and the RTC he keeps for the ride isn't bill money.

I USED TO CHASE GREEN CANDLES. THIS ONE FOUND ME.

Next morning $RTC is down from the peak and he panics, until his transactions show he really did cash out part of the gain: he didn't need to sell the exact top to win something. He pays an overdue instalment, then another, and buys real groceries instead of emergency noodles. At the supermarket his card goes through first try, and he looks at the cashier like she just announced a stock market listing.

The cashier

Are you okay, sir?

RTC

Yes. It's my best ATH.

He gives his brother back his €50 and offers to cover part of Tom's bills.

Tom says no at first, then accepts a pizza, and RTC orders the biggest one, extra cheese, without thinking about the electricity price.

Took profit. Paid bills. Didn't buy another heater. Character development.

When the community asks what the link to Bitcoin is, RTC never claims his token is Bitcoin: $RTC is a standalone meme coin, and its planned liquidity pair uses tokenized Bitcoin on Solana. The pair alone doesn't do it: a separate mechanism pays part of the fees actually collected to eligible holders, in tokenized Bitcoin, under public rules, and no fees to distribute means no reward. At the first distribution a small line shows up in his wallet: tokenized BTC received, not a fortune, but the first time Bitcoin comes into his life without a screaming ASIC or a buy at the top.

RTC · calling Tom

BRO. I HAVE BITCOIN AND I DIDN'T TURN ON THE INDUSTRIAL HEATER!

Tom

How much?

RTC

Enough to smile. Not enough to buy a new couch.

Later distributions vary, and sometimes there's nothing at all, so he tracks trading gains, losses, BTC received and fees separately, and never again mistakes rewards for guaranteed profits.

But over the months, holding RTC brings him more BTC than mining ever did: more than everything his ASIC mined in a whole year of noise, heat and bills, and without a single electricity bill.^*

*Paid automatically from real trading fees: no volume, no rewards.

Tom · reading RTC's spreadsheet

So your ASIC lost to a meme.

Failed to mine BTC. Failed to time BTC. Got more BTC holding RTC than mining ever paid.

How the BTC rewards really work →

Over the next few weeks the meme grows, holders share their own disasters, and RTC starts the Rekt Confessional, a weekly show where everyone posts their worst screenshot and the lesson. The price doesn't go up every day, but he caps his positions, takes profit in steps and leaves the rent money alone; that discipline and a few good RTC trades make this stretch profitable overall, though losses are still possible. A small corner of Crypto Twitter now knows him by his beanie and his framed bill.

His old boss · seeing a meme

WAIT, IS THAT THE GUY I FIRED?

His old landlord · spotting the ASIC in a photo

Please tell me that thing is switched off.

RTC

Forever.

He pays off the last of his old debts and signs a new lease with a real budget and an emergency fund. The first thing he buys for the new apartment is a smoke detector, not a GPU, and the old ASIC fan now sits on a shelf like a museum piece, far from any socket.

The best trade wasn't the x-number. It was getting my life back.

One evening $RTC takes a hard correction, the group panics, and the comments flip between "TO THE MOON" and "IT'S OVER". The old reflex kicks in: sell it all, buy it all back, never leave the chart.

RTC · slapping the table

OH NO, NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!

Then he looks around: the rent is paid, the card works, the fridge is full, and no mining debt haunts his mailbox. He opens his spreadsheet, writes down the paper loss and won't turn it into an impulse move: he sticks to the risk plan he set before the drop instead of revenge-trading a candle.

His post · with the red chart next to his paid bill

Red candle. Paid rent. Still a win.

RTC · to those who call him boring

Bro, being solvent is my new kink.

For the first time, a bad chart doesn't wreck the rest of his life.

The market can wreck a candle. It doesn't get my apartment twice.

The last photo comes in two halves: on the left, RTC in front of a burning ASIC, red-eyed, a formal notice on his lap. On the right, the same orange beanie and hoodie, but a calm desk and the old electricity bill, framed. One screen shows his big green candle, another the tokenized BTC he actually received: not a miracle for everyone, just his path.

A newcomer

How do I become as profitable as you?

RTC

Don't start by buying a miner on credit. Don't confuse a pump with your salary. And pay your rent before you pay trading fees.

RTC · who can't stay serious for more than thirty seconds

And don't buy the top. I already patented that strategy.

He lost the machine, the job and the apartment, bought the top and sold the bottom; then he turned his own disasters into a joke, bought RTC before a huge green candle, took profit and, in our story, got more BTC holding RTC than his ASIC ever mined.^*

*Paid automatically from real trading fees: no volume, no rewards.

His glory doesn't come from being right all the time: it comes from finally being able to be wrong without losing everything.

Lost the rig. Lost the job. Lost the apartment. Bought the top. Sold the bottom. Bought RTC. Caught the green candle. Finally paid the bills.

His success isn't a straight line, but disciplined trades, real withdrawals and a growing community end up changing his life. For a month he checks his bank app every five minutes, convinced a bug is going to wipe out the balance. Tom takes him out to celebrate, and RTC orders the cheapest dish on the menu.

RTC · when Tom reminds him he can afford more

I'll have a side of fries.

RTC · then, with the waiter still waiting

And... sparkling water.

He pays off his remaining debts, sets aside an emergency fund and takes his first real week off: not Dubai, but a small house by the sea. First morning, he wakes up at 6:40 out of habit, looks for his warehouse badge, then sees the sea.

His sunset post

First time the only thing burning is the sunset.

Tom

And did you unplug the phone?

RTC · lying

Obviously.

The RTC chart is open on his watch.

I wanted a green candle. I accidentally bought myself a quiet morning.

His first splurge is a way too flashy car: in his hoodie and beanie, he walks into a dealership and, instead of the used model the salesman nervously suggests, points at an orange supercar, the colour of his old ASIC.

RTC · at the dealership

That one. How many decibels does it make?

RTC · after the answer

Perfect, it'll finally be quieter than my apartment back then.

He films the delivery, and online people picture a collection of twenty cars; in real life he spends twenty minutes in the seat figuring out the air con.

RTC · on the phone

Bro, it has four driving modes.

Tom

And the mode that doesn't bury you in debt?

RTC

That one, I drive every day.

He knows a luxury paid for with secured profits has nothing to do with a debt taken on hope.

He rents a big house to get the first community members together, and the first thing he spends on isn't a watch or a painting: it's a new couch for Tom.

RTC · giving Tom the couch

You let me sleep on yours when I had nothing left. Now you deserve one that doesn't creak under debt.

Tom · sitting down, shouting on purpose

Careful, there's a new token in it!

In the hall he puts three things under glass, each with a plaque: his warehouse badge, an electricity bill that went unpaid and is now settled, and a dead ASIC fan.

Guests get it right away: he isn't mocking poor people, he's mocking the guy he used to be, who thought a machine bought on credit could fix a whole life.

From sleeping on Tom's couch to buying Tom the couch.

When he finds an old photo of him and Tom in the rain, the day he left his apartment, he realises his luck would mean nothing without the people who had his back. He pays Tom back everything, even what Tom swears he never counted, and helps his brother out with a surprise expense.

A report on people struggling with energy bills brings it all back: the reminder letters, the people pretending to be fine, the declined card.

RTC

Tom, back then, I thought everyone was judging me.

Tom

What you mostly needed was someone to help you without giving a speech.

With gains he actually cashed out, he offers a donation to a local energy-poverty charity and a housing support group, and asks what would help most: not some big flashy operation, just a modest sum at the right moment that can stop a disaster. When the first people get help, he posts no faces and no names, only his old framed bill, and the comments fill with thank-yous instead of rockets.

My first real flex? Someone else gets to sleep without fearing tomorrow's bill.

The community asks for it, so RTC hosts "Rekt, Not Forgotten", an online charity night where everyone gets one minute to tell one crypto mistake. He tells his own, his card declined on a pack of detergent: people laugh, then go quiet, and for the first time his story does more than get laughs.

The donations are voluntary, separate from any token purchase, and go to housing and budgeting charities; nobody needs to buy RTC to take part, and its price is no measure of anyone's generosity. He chips in himself, gets the amounts actually sent published when the charities allow it, and a few weeks later pays for refurbished computers and digital-skills training for young people.

RTC · when a teenager asks if he'd recommend buying Bitcoin

Mostly, I'd advise you to understand a budget, risks and what a scam is. I paid dearly for those three lessons.

The community's meme

FINANCIAL LITERACY: THE ONLY AIRDROP THAT SHOULD BE MANDATORY.

The community's edits turn him into a superhero with a fire extinguisher or a teacher with "Buy high" crossed out in red; he laughs, then quietly gets back to work with the charity.

The community came for the meme. Some stayed to help.

Now that people recognise him, he flies first class, presses every button and spills a drink while Tom doubles over laughing two rows back.

RTC · to the flight attendant

Can this seat be liquidated?

She doesn't get it.

He's given a luxury watch but prefers his old scratched one, a reminder of nights waiting for the bus; alone in a hotel suite facing the city lights, he still hears the beep of his declined card.

RTC · on the phone

What if it all stopped tomorrow?

Tom · after reminding him he's diversified, paid off his debts and kept his everyday money away from risky positions

You don't have to live every candle like a catastrophe.

After calling Tom, he closes the chart and goes for a walk without his phone: touching grass is harder for him than buying the orange car. The next day a huge red candle wipes out part of his paper gains, and the internet roasts him.

The internet

The king of RTC is rekt!

RTC · in a video from his apartment

Bro, the rent is paid. The charities got their donations. And my ASIC is still unplugged.

He can still lose a trade, but he doesn't lose his whole life on the same move anymore.

I got rich enough to stop pretending every candle is my destiny.

Years after getting fired, RTC walks past his old warehouse in his old hoodie: no suit, no gold chain.

RTC · when a former colleague asks if "the stories on the internet" are true

The bills, yes. The green candle too. The cars, I sometimes rent them for the videos.

When his old boss recognises him, RTC skips the supercar revenge scene and holds out his hand; the boss admits it was a rough time, and RTC doesn't need to win a years-old argument anymore.

RTC · to his old boss

I couldn't do my job properly back then. I needed to do better.

Walking past a small building like the one he used to live in, he thinks about the rain, the boxes and Tom's couch, and decides to fund new emergency housing places with the charity he supports. This time no slogan pops into his head: he signs the papers and just asks when the first payment can be put to use. That night he joins Tom and the RTC community at a long table: not a board meeting, just a dinner of failed memes, liquidation jokes and memories.

Tom · raising his glass

To the one who thought he was mining Bitcoin and was mostly mining his debts.

RTC

To those who took me in when I was an empty wallet.

Someone at the table

GREEN CANDLE!

Everyone bursts out laughing.

The best comeback wasn't showing them the car. It was showing up as a better man.

The legend now fits in two pictures: first, a broke young guy watching an ASIC burn among reminder letters and boxes. Then the same guy gets into an orange car, flies off to a dream beach and comes home to check donation receipts.

He's still a degen; he's just stopped betting his whole life on one candle. He still gets BTC whenever trading generates fees, and keeps distribution statements that add up to more than his ASIC ever mined, but his favourite things are his first rent receipt paid on time, a photo of Tom on the old couch and a thank-you letter from a charity.

At 3:17, the exact time of his first breakdown, he wakes up in a comfortable room, smiles and goes back to sleep.

Fiction note: $RTC stays a meme coin distinct from Bitcoin. A pair with tokenized Bitcoin can exist on Solana. BTC rewards are paid automatically by the protocol from the trading fees actually generated: no volume, no fees, no rewards. Trading can make money and can lose it. The big candle, his wealth, the BTC he receives and his donations are fiction, not a promise to holders.

He lost everything chasing Bitcoin. RTC gave him a comeback story. He used it to give others a second chance.